If you’re that person who has always wanted to be with someone forever, then setting marriage goals (or at least goals for a life together) is essential. Why? Because most relationships fail for the same reason.
The way we choose our partner or communicate with them is inherited from our family, our culture. It comes with its beauty, but also its challenge. The rise of emotional and spiritual work shows that it’s important to learn or re-learn how to have healthy relationships.
So, grab a pen, because we are about to tell you exactly what you need to have a successful and easy relationship. One that never turns sour.
What are marriage goals?
Marriage goals are like anchors that keep your marriage strong, help it grow, and ensure it stays stable and safe. Every relationship needs work. So think of them as ingredients in a recipe. Combined together and with measurements, they make for the best dish you’ve ever eaten.
Every relationship will have a different set of goals. It all depends on your values, dreams and desires. In truth, all relationships are unique. However, you’ll see common goals that come up in the recipe of every healthy relationship. That’s why we’re giving you 8 of them. These 8 marriage goals can serve as the level 1 of your relationship.
Why are marriage goals so important?
The most common themes of separation we see across the board for couples are:
– miscommunication
– the relationship becomes boring and stale
– you realize you and your partners had values that were too different
This is why we recommend setting goals, even when you aren’t with anybody at the moment. Before you enter a relationship, you have the freedom to think about all of your standards, everything that defines the ideal relationship for you. Your ideal partner will never bore you out, because your passions will be complementary. Yes, even when routine sets in, people can grow deeper in love forever.
The other advantage of setting marriage goals or life goals, is that you start working on your goals. By focusing on attaining them, you become a healthy person that knows how to have a healthy relationship.
Through doing this exercise, you set yourself for success.
What are the 8 goals you can set for your relationship?
1. Always be honest with each other, and with yourself
Many people wrongly think that being honest can destroy a relationship. I think this is the old way of thinking about them. I feel the insecurity that honesty brings up can destroy a relationship. But honesty in itself is so healthy! It is the key to resolving any conflict due to miscommunication.
When you’re both strong enough to be honest together, your marriage feels like it is built on solid ground. There’s nothing hidden that could cause trouble later. Anything is resolved now.
2. Build trust with each other daily
Trust is the magic ingredient that makes your relationship strong. But it is something you build over time. I feel like when people meet “the one,” they feel like their compatibility is enough to sustain the relationship. But we’re all humans. Even the perfect man or perfect woman needs time to build a strong relationship.
When you work at trusting each other daily, it is like watering a plant; it keeps you growing and brings happiness and safety. This is one of the most important marriage goals to set.
3. Commit to building the best life for the both of you
When you have life goals together, when you take the time to have active quality time with each other, you’ll never get bored. A lot of people think that marriage is about settling, when truly, it should be the beginning of building your life.
What are your ambitions, your goals (even the most “impossible” ones)? Does your partner want similar things? Do you discuss them often? Do you plan to regularly work on these dreams?
Dreams aren’t just about having a house or having kids. It’s about having a purpose together. It’s a good exercise to ask yourself what you would like the purpose of your relationship to be. This specific purpose will remove the boredom of your relationship. And it will make you more aware of your desires when choosing a life partner.
4. Persist when it’s difficult
If you make life-changing decisions in the middle of a challenge, it usually never goes to plan. Difficulties bring out fear. So here’s a tip for you. Set a future time when you will revisit what happened with your partner, once the storm has passed. And if the storm doesn’t seem to pass, you can ask for support for your relationship.
With the exception of abusive relationships, persistence can really help in the face of hard situations. Usually, when a couple begins to come to a point where “they tried everything,” it is a sign that they didn’t have the tools necessary to overcome the misunderstandings.
This situation happens because we weren’t taught healthy emotional regulation when we were children. So, it is not a shame to realize you don’t know about it and would like to learn today. It is that admission that helped so many people create a healthy relationship with their partner (you can read their stories on our website).
5. Understanding and compassion are key, towards yourself and with one another
Conflict isn’t bad per se. it helps clear out the misunderstandings between you. But when conflicts happen for the same reason over and over again, we start to see cracks in the relationship.
In truth, these cracks are the result of not seeing eye-to-eye and not feeling understood, which can lead to not hearing what the other has to say.
Not feeling understood, not feeling seen… these feelings are things you can learn to heal. It is called self-love and self-regulation. When you start to understand that you can heal your upsets, conflict resolution becomes so easy.
It doesn’t mean that there’s no need for change in your relationship, but at least, your own wounded ego can’t get in the way of seeing the resolution. If you don’t know how to do that, try it out with one of our coaches for 30 minutes.
When you start to get out of your own way, compassion for the other comes easy. You begin to support them through their own self-realization.
6. Be unconditionally loving
Unconditional love doesn’t mean not getting angry or setting boundaries. Rather, it means loving your person without judgement.
For example, you notice a resentment building towards your lover? That’s something that blocks love. Like I said with the understanding and compassion, your emotions may cloud your view of the situation. It’s important to grow from a place that feels good and free of resentment for each other. If it brews beneath the surface, it can be one of the biggest cause of separation later.
Unconditional love also means that you love your partner through all the growth and changes. When you choose the right partner, love continues to grow when their physical appearance or mentality changes.
7. Be forgiving
Mistakes are human. We can either choose to learn from them or continue doing them. When you forgive your partner while calmly communicating what didn’t feel good, you allow them the opportunity to grow without guilt.
The more you control, the more it is difficult for them to understand what can be changed. Of course, this requires a huge level of trust and honesty between you. You build that communication over time.
8. Respect each other, your vision, your choices, and your space
Respecting each other means valuing each other’s thoughts, choices, and personal space. What people have the most trouble with is understanding the need for personal space and activities that don’t necessarily include each other.
For example, it actually isn’t your partner’s role to make you feel better when you feel left out. Feeling like this is a result of learning codependent relationships instead of healthy ones.
So, when your partner says “no” to something you proposed in the future, take some space and reflect on how this affects you. Heal the upsets in order to learn that it isn’t a sign of not loving you. It is a sign of desiring healthy boundaries (yes, even the best relationships need boundaries).
The secret tip to success in all relationships
Setting marriage goals or relationship goals is such a healthy way to go about having a romantic connection. But it is just the beginning.
You’ll notice that I talk a lot about healing and self-regulation in this article. It’s okay if you don’t know what this is all about. But if you recognize you need help healing your upsets towards your partner, your date, your crush, consider taking this little test.
The goal is to set you up to have the healthiest relationships ever. Let our professionals help you based on your needs at this time.
Written by Yoreen Marcin
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