A little over a month ago, it was revealed that I am a Divine Masculine. At first, I was very scared and resistant. I didn’t want to be a man. Being a man in my mind was associated with all these negative things: being mean, hard, and oafish. I’d met, worked, and interacted with plenty of men who were not this way of course, however, I found memories of my father had painted my views.
After I worked through those blocks and misconceptions and finally accepted myself as the Divine Masculine, I felt an incredible peace and relaxation wash over me. I felt “physically heavier” but not in a bad way. I was anchored to the earth — strong. It was the most relaxed and grounded I had felt in my entire life.
I received from Jeff and Shaleia the guidance that there was no pressure to change anything about myself. “But if I were you, I’d move as fast as I could in the direction of what feels good.” I took that to heart and I started exploring and experimenting with what felt good to me.
My hair had started to feel heavy and my clothes, pronouns, and name began to feel heavy as well. So, I changed my name on social media and in the community, and asked my Twin Flame, Briana, to trim my long hair (#quarantinehair). I also came out to some of my closest family members, bought men’s deodorant, stopped shaving, and stopped carrying a purse.
These things didn’t happen all at once. It has been, and continues to be, a process. Some days I felt very much in my masculine and other days I felt more like my “old self,” particularly with my 9-5 job where it felt like I had to hide who I am for fear they wouldn’t understand the sudden change from “pretty cis-gender straight girl” to a transgender straight man. Even with the feeling of truth and the help of the teaching, in my mind it was such a big change and realization to come into pretty much overnight.
When I posted how I was feeling about my journey in the Open Forum, Jeff generously replied with the following wise and healing message:
“Realizing you’re masculine doesn’t mean you need to change how you are, it just means you accept how you have always been. It doesn’t mean you categorize everything you do and are as good or bad, it means you accept everything you are as good. How you naturally express yourself is good.
It’s like finally knowing more deeply how to express yourself. It’s no different than, for example, me finally becoming aware that my hair is best long and my beard feels better a little more grown out and trimmed up. It’s just a deeper clarity on your journey of self-awareness. It should feel lighter, make you feel stronger not weaker, and give you more new horizons to explore that you feel really really good about. It’s NOT about conforming to someone else’s set of standards about what they think you’re supposed to be. God created you perfect.
I see you as a hyper-intelligent programmer guy. Someone whose mind and intellect are naturally masculine whenever he speaks automatically. You don’t have to try or change to be manly, you have always been that way.
Dress how it makes you feel good. You don’t suddenly need to be gym biker frat bro beard soldier smash Rambo bro overnight. That’s just one way to express yourself. Honestly those guys are not more manly than any other guy.
Manliness is a subtle and gentle thing. It’s a light and not heavy thing. It’s easy and automatic.
I see you in some ways as being like a teenager about your masculinity. Just waking up to the awareness of it and at the beginning of his journey of exploring what it is and what it means. Relax and enjoy the journey of exploration and discovery. There’s no arrival you’re trying to get to, you’re already there! I’m still exploring details myself. Remember, this is how eternal life is!!!”
I’ve read this response over and over. Each time I pull something new from it. It is pure GOLD. The truth is that I’ve always been a Divine Masculine. Everything about me has always been masculine, just by the sheer nature of being created that way. Though I may be physically in a woman’s body and have held onto feminine energy at times, the way I’ve felt the most comfortable and naturally expressed myself has always been masculine. I only need to change as it feels good to me in the natural evolution of who I am — no matter what that looks like to anyone else.
The lessons for me here have been about radical self-acceptance and compassion. I’ve come to understand that in my experimentation I held on to expectations about what I would find and what was expected of me because I’m a man rather than just moving with the good feeling. Being a Divine Masculine isn’t about how you express yourself outwardly — it doesn’t matter if you pump iron or wear a dress. Accepting myself exactly as I am and relaxing into that will lead me to deeper truths of what feels good to me and allow me to really explore.
I’m also learning that being a Divine Masculine is about how you give and receive energy from God. A Divine Masculine receives by giving, something I’m learning more about every day. This can look different for everyone, but I find that the more I give — by doing physical labor, sharing or working on things, loving my Twin Flame and others — the better I feel and the more the energy flows to and within me.
At first, this scared me. I felt like by giving more I would inevitably be worked to death like a slave, but that was just an upset — one that still comes up in layers. God does not desire his children to be slaves. Work and giving should be fun, easy, and enjoyable just like we learn in Life Purpose Class. It really makes no difference if you are a Divine Masculine. The Divine Masculine polarity is just more geared toward giving to receive rather than receiving to give.
Bootcamp Masculinity Learnings
Since coming to Spiritual Boot Camp, I’ve learned even more about embracing my Divine Masculinity. Jeff has been encouraging me to wear men’s clothing, cut my hair even more, trim my fingernails, smoke a cigar and put me on several outdoor and house maintenance-type projects where – though I’ve never done any of these things before – it has been like a crash course in living life as a man.
“Men have better sex than boys,” Jeff said to me as he explained that a Divine Masculine stepping up in his relationship — even through things like fixing a toilet — brings stability to the relationship. A man supports his woman and he does that through being present and showing up. This does not mean that you have to be rugged and hard or have to be a handyman, but the Divine Masculine is the outer shell who protects and supports the Divine Feminine so she can relax and receive.
Jeff also shared with me that the reason I’m a man in a woman’s body is because I had a string of bad fathers in past lives and I saw that girls typically receive more love from their fathers — so I tried coming here as a girl. Of course, knowing that everything is a mirror, that did not work out for me. My relationship with my father is still very strained and it really only reflects upsets within myself and with God. However, I am healing my connection with God every day that I embrace more of who I truly am. Right after Briana cut my hair short (using a YouTube tutorial!) Shaleia shared with me that she had a dream of me with a shaved head and a rose tattoo on my head representing my crown chakra and healing my relationship with God.
I’m so grateful for these new lessons and am choosing to go all in with my masculinity — becoming more of who I truly am every day.
If you’re a Divine Masculine — always aware or recently discovered — know that it is safe to follow the good feeling. You don’t need to have expectations or listen to what society says a man is. What feels good to you IS masculine. How you express yourself naturally is perfect. Giving and sharing yourself is fun, light, and easy. Just allow God to lead you and don’t be afraid to explore in any direction he leads you. You are safe. You are perfect.
Being a Divine Masculine does not put you in a box. You’re free to express yourself however you want — be a weirdo, wear a tutu around if you want, but just be authentic to who you are – own it.
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