You’re ready to find “the One” and you’re considering dating? Oh my, buckle up because it will be a wild ride!
I know dating can be confusing and frustrating at times, especially when you’re looking for a serious relationship.
I met one of my ex-boyfriends on a dating app. After a few dates, our relationship kicked off and we were together for almost 1 year before everything fell through the cracks. As with any relationship, there were some highs and lows, but looking back now, with everything I know, I can see from the very beginning how our relationship wasn’t meant to be.
However, that experience helped me find my One True Love after that, my now husband.
So here are some tips and tricks I learned about dating and finding my True Love so you don’t have to date for years to find yours.
What to do before you start dating
Before you even dive into creating your dating profile or venture out to meet new people, I want to make sure you’re set up for success.
Other dating advice might focus on how you should look, how you should behave, what you should say or not say to be viewed as a good potential partner. But with your One True Love, none of that truly matters, and here’s why:
Your One True Love will be naturally attracted to you
Yes, that’s right. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not. You just have to be yourself in a very authentic and vulnerable way.
This is something I noticed with my ex-boyfriends. I was always trying to put on a mask of a person I thought they liked so they could stay in my life. I was insecure and I genuinely believed that no one would like me for me, because that’s what I experienced with other partners and people in my life.
However, I noticed this was draining me and making me depressed and unhappy. Thinking of living like this for years put the nail in the coffin for me.
Right before meeting my One True Love, I made a promise to myself that I will no longer compromise who I am to appease a partner. I strongly believe that’s what made the perfect partner come into my life at that time.
Become the person your One True Love will recognize
So, the best way to prepare for dating is to become the person your One True Love adores the most. And no, this is not complicated, this is actually much simpler than you think. Here’s how to do it:
1. Get clear on your values and things you really care about in life
Don’t be shy. Approach all important subjects in your life. Start with dating, romance and family life, but don’t shy away from topics like career, finances, health and leisure.
What would your ideal life look like?
Know yourself in this space in an honest and raw way, and that’s how you’ll much easier be able to see if a person you are dating can be integrated in the picture or not.
2. Focus on your mental and emotional health
Insecurities, codependent relationship patterns, neediness might be only a few of the things that can cloud your perception and block you from seeing who the One for you is.
Start working on yourself and know that is normal in a healthy relationship to address emotions and your mental state. Cultivate that relationship with yourself first.
3. Financial stability and career goals
Prioritize educating yourself about your finances and expectations of financial growth, as well as what you are passionate about in your career and what you’d like to achieve.
4. Moving on from past relationships
Honestly confronting your feelings about past relationships is tough but necessary. It’s only fair to yourself and future partner to fully release any lingering attachments.
By approaching these aspects of your life, you’re not just preparing to meet your One True Love; you’re also building a richer, more fulfilling life for yourself, which will make you more attractive and desirable as a partner.
What to do while you’re dating
Now that you are at least working on knowing yourself better, let’s look at actual practical steps to take into consideration as you’re dating.
Don’t over-complicate where and how you’re supposed to meet them
True Love will sweep you off your feet and will likely hit you in unexpected ways. Don’t hesitate to give a chance to some people you wouldn’t normally date.
I know my partner wasn’t exactly the type I thought I was looking for, but as we got to know each other, there was an undeniable attraction and closeness that I never felt with anyone else that I considered attractive before. It’s because he showed me what I actually needed, not what I thought I wanted.
So keep an open mind and have fun.
Be yourself
One thing my partner always tells me is how attracted he is to my little quirks.
So when you’re out dating (and maybe overthinking what they might find attractive or not) be rest assured that the One for you will be charmed by you being yourself.
Let yourself shine through all that you are: the way you talk, the way you dress, the type of activities you choose for your dates – let them all be things you genuinely enjoy.
Remember you’re not there to impress, but to connect, have a good time, and see if there’s something more you and your date might be for one another.
Get to know each other
This is where knowing yourself and your values will be critical. Don’t be afraid to get curious about them and see if they match what you’re looking for.
Make sure you give them space to talk and that the conversation is balanced. They also have to show mutual interest in knowing you and what you care about.
Don’t take stuff personally but note if there’s things you disagree on. Treat things respectfully and make sure you put in balance later on how much of a caveat this is for you. Notice as well how they react to disagreement and how they handle the conversation.
Be upfront about your likes and dislikes, especially in dating and what you’d expect from the relationship. Also see how open they are to combining your social circles and lives at the appropriate time in the relationship.
Don’t be shy in showing your date what you find attractive in them. This might help you see what their love language is which will help you deepen your connection and attraction to one another.
Connect with your feelings while you’re talking to them
It’s easy to get swept off your feet especially if the person you are dating is really attractive and there’s some chemistry between you, but don’t forget to be present with how you feel. It’s incredible how much our gut feeling can have our back.
Do you notice red flags or do you feel your boundaries are being pushed in inappropriate ways? Remember that your emotional and physical wellbeing is your top priority.
If from your first dates things start to go south fast, what makes you believe it will change any time soon? Being clear and decisive with your boundaries will help you attract dates that value the same thing as you do.
On the flip side, if things are going well, don’t be afraid to take things to the next level.
One last thing
So, before you go into the wild, remember to keep an open mind, have fun and be authentic. You might still need to go on a few dates so you can find your One True Love, so treat each date as a learning experience. Ask yourself what made you attract such a date, what was good, what was missing, what else do I need in a relationship that maybe I didn’t consider before?
Most importantly, know that you deserve to have everything that you desire in your ideal partner. How much you love and value yourself will be put to the test, so, as you navigate these dates, you might need to have a look at yourself as well and see if you’re really adhering to your values and needs.
Lastly, if there’s one thing I learned is that you never only have only one shot with your One True Love. They will always be around you when you are ready to be with them. And even if you mess it up, you can heal and rebuild the relationship.
Because your One True Love wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them too.
If you’re looking for some extra support in navigating the dating world then connect with one of our Ascension Coaches. They can help you with next steps.
Written by Alexandra Benzar
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