Going through IVF treatments, it was repeatedly communicated to Shaleia that she had fertility problems. This had a stunningly negative impact on her self confidence. While her confidence is quite strong and stable, being told by the medical industry that you were in a critical way, broken, isn’t light or easy.
Shaleia and I both felt that there was nothing wrong with her prior to IVF. We didn’t even go because we needed it, we went because we felt it was the surest path to our dreams. But after a year of endless appointments in cold, sterile environments filled with a system that treats you in a cold, sterile way, we were fraught.
To be clear, we have enormous respect for the power of western medicine and the healthcare system in the United States. While it isn’t perfect and it does have many issues, its power to heal is undeniable.
Being highly sensitive people, we struggled with interfacing with this system in such an intimate and prolonged way. We felt so sapped of Life from the medical system, we were very interested in pursuing an alternative. That’s when Shaleia told me she was considering having a home birth instead.
I told her I would support her in whatever path she desired to take. She manifested loads of resources quickly and easily to support her home birth journey, including the perfect midwife to help her. By the way, Shaleia clearly had zero fertility issues. We got pregnant the second month of trying.
I believe a man’s place is with his family, not outside of it. I believe a man’s relationship with his children is more than going to work to pay the bills. A man’s place is close to his wife and children and his job is to love, support, and be present with them. After feeling so heavily battered by the healthcare system, I wasn’t going to let Shaleia go through this alone.
On our first meeting with the midwife I sat quietly and listened while Shaleia interviewed her. She was gently exploring whether this person was the right fit. I looked the midwife in the eyes and asked her if she was going to be a positive advocate for Shaleia and support her. It wasn’t a casual moment, time stopped for it.
She expressed her commitment to supporting Shaleia through her pregnancy and into birth and after. She knew Shaleia’s story. I believed her when she said she would be there for Shaleia. She has been every step of the way. We manifested a person who understood what we desired and supported it every step of the way.
Shaleia has been loved and supported the whole time, perfectly.
Written by Jeff Divine
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