After two unsuccessful rounds of IVF, with both of us quietly hoping the second round, making use of a donor egg, would not succeed, we decided the total cost of IVF was not worth it. We let it go and gave it to God. If you saw some of our youtube videos during that time, it was hard, but we persevered. One of the lessons in The Teachings of Union is that you never give up. You simply remain clear on the dream in your heart and you pursue it with all that you are. One guided action step at a time.

After some time of doctor mandated recovery from IVF, we decided to go it on our own. We wanted a family of our own, we wanted to express our teachings in family as we had in marriage. We wanted to show others what family could be when The Teachings of Union were applied. We wanted to share our joy with you here. We weren’t going to give up and we were going to leave it to God what soul or souls would come through to be with us as family.

One very early morning, I am awakened by some grunting and prodding. “Jeff… Jeff!” Shaleia said, standing over me.

“Hmm?” I said, enjoying sleeping peacefully.

“What’s this say?” She said, thrusting a pregnancy test at me.

“I imagine it says you’re pregnant if you’re waking me at this hour.” I said, remaining calm after the emotionally tumultuous IVF journey. I was happy to take the guided action steps, but my heart did hurt deeply after the first two losses.

Shaleia smiles as she finds out she's pregnant
Shaleia smiles as she finds out she's pregnant

That morning we were aglow in joy and bewilderment. After tens of thousands of dollars, two or three digits of needles, and a constant communication that Shaleia had “fertility problems,” we are pregnant. And we did it all on our own, naturally.

The next few months were milestone after scary milestone of victories. Every checkpoint just as important as the last. Is baby a viable pregnancy? Is baby healthy? Does baby have genetic issues? Is baby growing normally? Remember miscarriages happen usually during this period of time. What is the gender…?

Shaleia got an early genetic screening. Everything beforehand was clear and led up to this moment. The day came and the email arrived. She sat staring at her inbox, the email title still in bold, unopened.

“Jeff, what should I do?” She asked me, deeply emotional. This was our moment. This moment would determine the rest of our lives. If it was a boy, we would continue having children, if it was a girl, we knew it was Grace.

Before we decided to go about pregnancy naturally, we had a long discussion with God. We had to let go of IVF and continue our family journey in a new way. We had to let go of Grace. We had to give her to Whom she belongs. We returned to our previous dream of a large family and gave everything to God. We laid our lives down and handed them to Whom they belong.

“Open it!” I said warmly, feeling the enormous significance of this moment. Everything leading up to this point had been an extraordinary miracle. Perfect, healthy baby conceived naturally almost immediately. Pregnant, when the doctors told us she had serious fertility issues. Growing normally, measuring perfectly, healthy genetics, no issues.

It’s a girl.

We cried and we hugged each other. Our Grace is coming home.

Written by Jeff Divine