Why does someone ever end up experiencing something as horrible as Twin Flame abandonment? This question has come up a few times in our Facebook group and among Jeff and Shaleia’s students.
Twin Flame abandonment is unfortunately very commonplace since most Twin Flames are in separation right now, in some way or form. When you experience separation from your Twin Flame there are naturally going to be abandonment issues. Usually this is going to stem from experiences with a parent or some other authority figure, but even these childhood memories go back to a root fear of the Divine. Twin Flame abandonment triggers fears about God. So when someone is upset and hurt, wondering, “Why would my Twin Flame abandon me?” what they are really asking is, “How could I have been abandoned by God like this?”
This is basic Law of Attraction: if we believe that we can be abandoned, then that is exactly what we are going to experience in our reality.
How does Twin Flame abandonment reflect your childhood?
If you are currently in separation from your Twin Flame, then whether you are consciously aware of it or not you are going to have feelings of dissatisfaction that your Twin Flame is not physically in your life. If you believe that you two are separated because of circumstances beyond your control, this is going to just perpetuate those feelings of sadness. (Check out our advice on how to stop numbing out to your emotions.)
If you have had experiences of being neglected and uncared for in your life, it can be easy for your brain to convince you that abandonment is real. For a long time before she met Jeff and started doing the Mirror Exercise, Shaleia considered herself the poster child for abandonment. Her dad was never really home and then he eventually left the family for another woman. This led to Shaleia’s dad moving to another country while Shaleia was only nine years old.
When Shaleia was fifteen years old, her mother passed away from brain cancer. At the time of their mother’s death, Shaleia’s younger brother decided to leave their home to go live with their father. Shaleia could understand why an eleven-year old boy would make that decision, but at the time Shaleia didn’t want to live with her father because she was already halfway done with high school and all the friends and family she knew were in her hometown. Already shocked and grieving over her mother’s death, Shaleia didn’t want to bring even more change into her life by moving in with her dad.
These experiences of watching her family unit fall apart left Shaleia feeling very abandoned. For the next fifteen years she dedicated herself to spiritual searching. She spent a lot of time meditating and talking with God. Reading A Course in Miracles was really helpful and life-changing for Shaleia during this time as well, and eventually all of her spiritual study and exploration led her to one conclusion: “God could never, ever leave me. Separation is not even real!”
Twin Flame abandonment: nothing but an illusion
If it’s true that God can never abandon us, and if it’s true that separation is not real, that means all external appearances of abandonment are pointing back to one core issue: where are you abandoning yourself?
When Shaleia began healing her experiences of abandonment in childhood, this was the question she asked herself. Where was she abandoning herself instead of loving herself? One of the answers that came up was that Shaleia had always abandoned her authenticity. She never stood up for her truth when it threatened her chances of being social accepted by her peers at school, or by her family members. So Shaleia was never really her authentic herself and it showed in her awkwardness and her social reserve around people. There was an underlying fear that told Shaleia that she would be rejected if she ever showed people her true self. So Shaleia decided she would rather reject her authentic self than risk the pain of being socially rejected by the people she thought she needed.
If you have a pattern of fearing social rejection, you will be more likely to put your Twin Flame on a pedestal and compromise your authentic needs in order to keep your romance alive. Your Twin Flame is not a saint, you don’t need to treat them like one. Failing to assert your boundaries with your Twin Flame is another form of abandoning yourself.
As Shaleia went deeper in healing this thought pattern, she made a new choice to never abandon herself again. She went through memories of her relationships with men in her twenties, and she realized she had experienced the same feeling of abandonment with these men. By the time she was about to meet Jeff, Shaleia had stopped making the choice to dishonor herself in her romantic relationships. She decided that just because her Twin Flame was the love of her life, she wasn’t going to accept shit from him. This helped Jeff and Shaleia go deeper into love.
Jeff and Shaleia’s Twin Flame story is described in detail in the book, Twin Flames: Finding Your Ultimate Lover.
Did Jeff and Shaleia experience Twin Flame abandonment?
There came a point in Jeff and Shaleia’s relationship where they could have abandoned each other. There were several moments when Jeff and Shaleia considered leaving their Union. They each wondered, “Our whole world has been collapsing since we got together. What is going on?!”
They began to fear that their security and all the foundations of their lives were falling apart because they were in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe their love didn’t serve them or the world. They thought, “Maybe we’re actually really bad for each other and we shouldn’t be together.”
Instead of letting themselves get carried away by this fear, however, Jeff and Shaleia paused and deeply explore their fear and the emotions buried beneath it. Allowing themselves the feel their emotions, no matter how scary that was, resolved their thoughts of separation. Shaleia realized, “Yeah, there is crazy shit going on right now…but I am so in love with you. I can’t imagine leaving you ever.” Jeff came to the same realization. Their commitment to each other began to deepen.
Turning Twin Flame abandonment into commitment
Commitment means that you have to be willing to close the back door, as Jeff and Shaleia have taught in several classes at Twin Flame Ascension School. You have to really look at your Twin Flame Union as an island where only you two live, and you need to figure it out. Getting off the island isn’t an option. Commitment means that all the tempting back door exit plans – like accepting an offer of financial security from someone else, or dating someone who is a friendly puppy and never triggers you – are off the table.
Going all in with your Twin Flame Union means being there for better or for worse, like a marriage vow. Commitment is the opposite of abandonment, and it is not a one time choice. It is a choice you make consistently.
What does this look like?
Jeff and Shaleia’s commitment to their Union was heavily tested once when Jeff was going through a really deep upset with his family. It looked like an estrangement was about to happen, out of necessity for Jeff’s emotional health, from his family. If Shaleia had not resolved her earlier pattern of abandoning her truth for the sake of social acceptance, she would have pushed Jeff to stay in very toxic family relationships. But Shaleia no longer had an ego-based agenda to be liked by many people, and she did not needily crave to be around a family just because they had a community of relatives and friends. If Jeff had chosen to abandon himself by staying in unhealthy relationships with his family, he would have experienced Twin Flame abandonment eventually since his Union with Shaleia would have dissolved.
Jeff and Shaleia chose not to abandon their authenticity, which means their Union survived and Jeff chose to cut ties with his family. But even this commitment to their truth brought up fresh fears. Feeling shaken by the end of his family relationships, Jeff asked Shaleia, “Are you going to abandon me too? Because everyone else has, and I look like such a loser right now.”
Inside, Shaleia was laughing as she thought, “Oh honey, if you knew what I went through!” Shaleia had already experienced being abandoned by her family members. She reassured Jeff that she had his back, that she understood what he was going through and what it felt like to be dumped by your family. And because she was able to guide him, Jeff was able to heal a lifetime of family trauma much more quickly than he would have on his own.
Claim your love
This doesn’t mean every Twin Flame Union needs to go through family abandonment in order for healing to happen. You and your beloved Twin Flame have a unique journey together, and for many that will include your family members. Jeff and Shaleia’s story is not meant to demonstrate that your family won’t support your Union, it’s meant to teach you that external Twin Flame abandonment is always an illusion.
Jeff’s family abandoning him was an illusion too, because you cannot ever be abandoned by someone who never claimed you to begin with. How could someone ever leave you if they have claimed you?
If you are experiencing Twin Flame abandonment, ask yourself if you have claimed your Twin Flame in every area of your life. If you are not claiming them in every area of your life, you are abandoning yourself, because you and your Twin Flame share one consciousness.
Your Twin Flame is the one person who is going to be by your side for eternity. When you stop abandoning yourself, they will stop abandoning you. Now, this doesn’t mean you won’t experience other relationships ending as you outgrow old communities and social networks – but that won’t feel like an abandonment once you are healed within. This is a level of testing that all of Jeff and Shaleia’s live students have gone through. You can watch them heal these exact upsets when you subscribe to the classes at Twin Flame Ascension School.
Call in your support now!
Do you want to learn how to get out of Twin Flame abandonment? If so, you are in the right place at the right time. The best place to start is by reading Twin Flames: Finding Your Ultimate Lover, which is available on Amazon. You can also get a FREE consultation with an expert coach who was personally trained by Jeff and Shaleia.
Transcribed by Samhita Chitturi from the video “**TWIN FLAME ABANDONMENT…** Why You Are Experiencing It!!” by Jeff and Shaleia.